Lumberjill Lost

Um, I lost count of the days.

2008-01-29T20:00:00.000-08:00

I guess that's a good thing right, since it means I'm not sitting about moping and complaining but really, it feels as though I've been here for ages. I guess my brain just tends to be very in-the-moment, whether I want it to be or not. Anyway, I seem to have some friends now, including some particularly fabulous ones, and I'm rushing a few sororities so on the whole, I seem to be on an upswing.

Oh! And I'm going to New Orleans this weekend to visit a friend at Tulane and also, of course, for Mardi Gras! Any advice or suggestions?

Also, I feel as though I might be becoming....Texan(?!?!!) But more on that later, I have oodles of reading to do on Wordsworth and Mestizo culture and someone is (surprise!) playing obnoxiously loud music in the hall. Sigh.

Day Two...WHAT THE HELL?

2008-01-15T08:39:00.000-08:00

It's 10:40 AM and I've been awake for over an hour. Which is not normal because I A) am in college B) don't have class and C) didn't fall alseep until 5:00 or so last night (I was working on my transfer application. And taking care of people.) So why am I awake? BECAUSE A FIRE ALARM WENT OFF AT 9:45. And we all ended up crowded outside in our pjs and ballet flats (the unlucky ones were barefoot, wearing their underwear and a blanket) where we lolled about for a a good fifteen minutes. The smart kids who had remembered their keys went off to the dining hall while the rest of us waited until we could finally troop back inside. As soon as we made it up to our floor (the third) though.... It went off AGAIN. Eventuallly that stopped too, and we all returned to our dorms to feel sorry for the adjacent building as we could still here their alarms going off. What I wanted most was to crawl back into bed, but oh no, that was not about to happen as some sort of construction involving power saws had begun directly outside my window. So I went and got some OJ, and now here I am about to explode of exhaustion and cold. But on the plus, I was the only girl who wasn't hung over, and now I have an excuse to stay in my pjs.

Back at School...Day One

2008-01-15T00:34:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of a boat sailng on the pond in the Jardin du Luxembourg in Paris. It reminds me of when I was there ten years ago (Gosh, that makes me feel old) and sailed boat number nine, which was red. It also evokes the song "Little Victories" by Matt Nathanson.

This time, I'll be sailing
No more bailing boats for me
I'll be out there on the sea
Just my confidence and me

And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
But I'll learn to get by
On little victories

This time, I'll have no fear
I'll be standing strong and tall
Turn my back towards them all

And I'll be awful sometimes
Weakened to my knees
And I'll learn to get by
On the little victories
And if the world decides to catch up with me
Still little victories

Things went much better than I expected tonight although I found myself dishing out loads of hugs and fake smiles. A few of us had a good laugh playing catchphrase but then people started inconveniently passing out or proposing to drive drunk and so the night disintegrated as the sober ones (make that one...moi) went off to steal keys and relocate girls into acceptable sleeping locations.

As of now it's looking as though I'll stay on this semester because if I don't it's likely I'll have to start over as freshman next year (or whenever I decided to go back to school). HOWEVER. These are the options I've come up with so far as alternatives to school. Even if I don't use them this semester, I should probably find a way to incorporate them into my life at some point.
1) Go home, work, buy a plane ticket to France and live with a family for a month or two.
2) Take on an intership with a non-profit, like To Write Love On Her Arms (www.twloha.com....my laptop isn't letting me insert links again) or a group that fights illiteracy.
3)??????

I think it's nice to have options, they keep me from feeling trapped, so I'm trying to come up with as many as possible.

You're not alone..

2008-01-13T20:50:00.000-08:00

Today I had a talk with a couple of dear friends, each of whom seems to be in a similar situation as I am. I hate my school but I have to continue with it for now, they are both stuck in jobs that are not allowing them to be happy and achieve their potential. Listening to both of them really gave me the courage to go back to university in Texas for one more semester; they are proving that it is right to stick it out for a while and not just give up right away. As much as we would all love to quit or jobs, or in my case school, tomorrow, it is better to finish out the year.

I keep wondering if I'm making the wrong decision by going back, but deep down I know that finishing my first year of college will be better in the long run. Saying it was the "wrong decision" would be the easy way out, albeit, the easy way that could make me look brave if I claimed I was taking a huge risk by following a non-conventional route.

Sadly, a bit of convention seems to be what my life needs right now, so here we go....

Oooh Child, Things are going to get easier....

2008-01-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

This is from Prada's SS08 ad campaign. I like it in the sense that Prada can do no wrong in my book... but it's not wowing me like last season's ads did. But it makes me kind of want something gold and shiny and tacky. Like in My Super Sweet Sixteen (the movie...which I watched tonight) Pretty Ricky performs and they have SILVER SEQUNED SWEATSUITS. In addition to having nice alliteration, they looked AWESOME. In a tacky glam sort of way. Majorly fab.

Anywho, it's nearly two in the morning and I meant to go to bed hours ago but I was messing around on Jezebel and PostSecret and eating my way through an entire package of chevre and facebooking my friends.

And in the course of all this I have been reminded how difficult life can be. Which is why it's so important to help each other out. Forgive my sappiness for a moment, but a lot of my friends are having a really shit time right now. And I'm leaving and I they live in other cities, and I hate that I can't just be there. So I'm hoping that I can spread some love where I'm living and maybe...maybe...it will travel back and a stranger will end up sharing some love with my friends. Share the love, guys.

Meanwhile, I have about 30 hours until I go back to school...Would it really be that bad to just....not? And get a job? Gah.

Pee Ess

2008-01-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

Someday I will write a proper post explaining something useful, and also why the hell my blog is called Lumberjill Lost and why I think any poor soul would ever read it. And at the same time perhaps I will remember to start crediting my pictures appropriately. But as I've said, I am vair tired. Spending the entire day with my parents has that effect.

Also, I'd just like to mention once more the whole I-got-a-fabulous-deal-on-marc-jacobs-pants extravaganza. Brilliant.

P.p.s. If you are reading this, would you be a doll and leave a comment letting me know how in the name bai ling's perpetually ridiculous outfits you ended up here? Thanks!

"So you lied to them?" "Only verbally!"

2008-01-09T21:24:00.000-08:00

Yep, I saw wicked today. But that is not the point. The point is that I GOT HIGH-WAISTED WIDE-LEGGED MARC JACOBS TROUSERS FOR FIFTEEN DOLLARS. God, I love Nordtrom Rack. I'm sure I'll review wicked sometime later for anyone who cares (i.e. no one). But mostly I'll continue gloating about my Marc Jacobs STEAL. For now however, I am vair, vair, tired from all my excursions of the shopping and musical varieties.
Sweet dreams.
O

Yumminess

2008-01-08T17:30:00.000-08:00

This is why I love The Manolo (shoeblogs.com). For whatever reason my laptop is not letting me insert links. My apologies.

How delicious is this shoe?

My Favorite Things

2008-01-08T15:31:00.000-08:00

The Fratellis, Cupcakes, Crossword Puzzles, Miuccia Prada, Purple Nail polish, Plaid.

Suppose I Kept on Singing Love Songs Just to Break My Own Fall

2008-01-07T18:42:00.000-08:00

So today was when it really hit me that I have to go back to Texas and as a result I did nothing but sleep and mope. Fortunately I think I've managed to compress my self-pity into a single day whereas last year this would have dragged on for at least a week and I might have just plainly refused to get on the plane.

I was about to go actually do something productive but then I decided that was too big of a step so instead I am going to make a list of productive things to do and hope that no one checks the dates of these posts and realizes how much of a loser I am.

Here my goals for the week:
*Go to the library. Check out and read a book and then remember to return it.
*Exercise at least three times.
*Pack for Texas.
*Have oodles of fun with my bestest pals.
*Give myself a mani/pedi.

I think that is a good balance of work and and learning and pampering, no?

xoxoxo

The Mean Reds

2008-01-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

I am a major basket of stress right now. I only have six full days here in Madison before I go back to lovely, lovely (hah) Texas. Actually, I'm sure the weather there is lovely, but I am quite enjoying sipping hot cocoa (it is delicious with peppermint schnapps although at the moment I'm just having the regular variety) and wearing scarves and hats and stomping about in the snow.

I'm also enjoying spending all my time with my utterly insane but fabulously delightful friends and I tense up and begin to cry whenever I think about leaving them. It is truly sad. Both the leaving and my reaction to it. I've also just looked up my grades from first semester and they are truly atrocious. I love to learn but I'm not sure that was made for the academic world. Then again, I'm not sure that I wasn't so I suppose I'll just have to give it another go.

In the meantime, I will just listen to Feist and engange in a bit of fantasy shopping online. Yum.

Is There Really Such a Thing as a Fresh Start?

2008-01-07T16:16:00.000-08:00

How many people overzealously set ridiculous goals at the new year only to give them up only days later? Like my friend who swore of drinking for a month only to get plastered on January 4th. Personally, I don't believe in New Years resolutions. I feel that if something needs to be "resolved" I may as well start working on it then and there. However life has recently become even more puzzling for me recently and so it's happened that I have resolved to sort myself out this year.

Incidentally, my horoscope from freewillastrology.com was the perfect encouragement to start fufilling my resolution. Even for non-virgos, there are insights to be gained from this and I encourage everyone to check out their own horoscope readings (hey, you don't have to listen to them, but who knows you might find unexpected inspiration!)

Here it is:

Your main assignment in 2008 is to become highly skilled at feeling good. Does that sound like something you might want to do? If so, here's the beginning of a regimen you could follow: (1) Be constantly taking notes about what experiences give you delight and what situations make you feel at home in the world. (2) Always be scheming to provide yourself with those experiences and situations. (3) Take a vow that nothing will obstruct you from seeking out and creating pleasure, peace, love, wonder, and an intimate connection with life.

Here is my starter list of things I enjoy:
*Being independent and self-sufficient
*Cooperating with others
*Networking
*Pampering myself and others
*Traveling, and expanding my world in other ways
*Working with kids

What delights you?